Eating Disorder Patients: I show a before/after photo and discuss weight!
Dear readers of The Ladybug, I have already written an entry regarding before and after photos that display weight loss. I expressed it at the time, and I still believe that these photos can be extremely harmful! Western society places a huge pressure on women to be rail thin, and on men to have rock-hard abs. The standards of what a body should look like are so out of control in our culture that weight-loss injections are having a major moment. Unfortunately, these medications can cause extremely harmful side effects and can transform their victims into starvation models. I do not endorse forcing weight loss. I am fine with people wishing to maintain healthy nutrition and joyful movement routines, but it is not safe to force one’s body to meet societal expectations.
When I wrote the piece last summer regarding my own before and after photos, it was perhaps easier for me to express myself because I had just lost a significant amount of weight. I had lost most of the weight by building up stamina exercising and by eating my mom’s healthy homecooked meals while I stayed with my parents frequently. I was then able to maintain the same lower weight for about a year and a half. I remained active and helped my parents with physical chores around their homestead.
However, now a lot has changed! I am sharing a vulnerable post today about the truth of a before and after photo which displays weight gain, Not loss. Let me explain. To my readers who may not know, I have been battling a tick-borne illness, Anaplasmosis, for a full year now, since April 2025. This illness is quite serious, and mine has proven to be pretty damn resistant to treatment. I start to feel a little better, get a little active, and then crash again. Recently, I moved apartments, and I moved to a whole new town. The move build-up and now unpacking has caused a big relapse in my illness. I am taking a strong dose of medications with little results.
Therefore, I am currently living a life of mostly lying in bed eating Campbells chunky chicken soups and watching Netflix. While I understand that that life may sound like Heaven to some, when you are very ill and are forced to recover, it is not easy. The point? I have gained weight! Oh my God! So, here is an honest photo of what I look like now, compared to last summer 2025. No flatter belly and tiny boobs. Now the girls are back and so is my belly! I have taken a photo revealing my body because I want to make a stand against encouraging weight loss. It is perfectly acceptable to have a before and after picture in reverse. Flaunt those curves ladies; you want him (or her) to have something to grab onto!
I do not want you to get the wrong idea; I am not encouraging unhealthy living. I simply would like to free women (And men!) from the feeling that they need to meet anyone’s ideas about appearance besides their own desires. The right partner will love and accept you for you; there is nothing to prove. If you take my advice, do not force your body to a breaking point so that you can conform. Your body knows what it is doing, trust it. And, if you are a woman approaching middle age like me (40 in October 2026!), then expect your body to look different than it did at 20. Why must we try to uncover the mythical fountain of youth? It does not exist. One’s body is meant to change with aging. I say Love Yourself!!! Loving a body that is uniquely yours and beautiful in your own eyes is about the most radical thing you can do these days. So, please join me in celebrating whichever style of before and after photos are in your life story. Life is a wonderful adventure!
I struggle with finding balance. Balance seems to me to be a dirty word that I do not want to think about. In my life, it is typically all Go Go Go, or Stop and Collapse! There is no in-between. Part of this mindset is influenced by my bipolar disorder, where my energies are either manic or depressed. But even when my mood is peaceful, I still struggle to balance my schedule. Why is this a problem? Mainly because I hustle due to the messages around me in society. However, I have chronic physical illnesses as well which prevent success. I want to be always busy and productive, but my body will not sustain that amount of activity.
This morning, during my devotional time with God, I was led to read about the topic of rest. At first, I felt frustrated by the subject. Yes, God, I get it…I do not rest enough. But then I thought about it more. There are many different types of resting activities. It does not have to feel boring and pointless. One can rest by writing thoughts in a journal. One can rest by taking a nature walk and listening to the sounds of birds and rustling leaves. One can rest by reading a book and curling up with a warm cup of coffee or tea. And talking to God by sitting quietly and repeating a gentle mantra in one’s head can be incredibly healing and restful. There is plenty of room for creativity in thinking of restful activities.
I used to believe that I HAD to be productive every minute to earn the right to exist. If I had no purpose, then I did not deserve to take up space in this world. But now I think this mindset is harmful. In western cultures we value busyness over quiet pursuits. For example, if there is a wait at the doctor’s office, you are expected to pull out your smartphone and start scrolling, instead of closing your eyes and spending a few minutes meditating in the stillness. I feel particularly judged because I do not have a paying job. I often get asked the question “Well…what do you do with your time??” It is assumed I am a menace to society, too lazy to deserve attention.
One of the major struggles I had recently was a long illness where I could not do much beyond lying on the couch. I then recovered for a while, only to relapse again. My responsibilities were hard to fulfill due to my fatigue, and I began to feel worthless. Who am I if I cannot do things and accomplish lists of chores and volunteer commitments? And what about college? Do I register for more classes or just give up? My mind began to spin. This battle was too big to handle on my own. I had to take it to God. And the overwhelming answer was REST! You do not need to feel guilty. The word “No” is perfectly acceptable. Accommodation can be made and it is not a problem. But I still felt guilty. I was not performing in a society that demands us to all be acting all the time.
So, this is my statement of rebellion. I will no longer listen to the voices in the news and media. I will instead listen to the guidance of my body and my spirit and my faith. I am worthy no matter how little or much I do on any given day. And if the only thing I do is move from the bed to the couch and back again, then that is okay!! Biblically, I am completely backed up…even God rested during the creation of the earth. Sunday is our day of rest for a reason. I challenge you to think about your life and see if you need to grant yourself some time to rest. Are you pushing too hard because you feel like you have too? Let Go. Take some time to be still, however that feels best for you. Trust me, it will refresh your soul. When you do go back to being busy, you will have an added spring in your step because you took a pause. Your life will not fall apart because you stopped rushing for a moment. Let it go. Let it be.
I know that what I am writing is not popular opinion among busy Americans. But resting is crucial to both mental and physical success. The hustle can wait. Life is truly about that dirty word balance. Find the way that works best for you and stick with it, even if it feels awkward at first to slow down. Throughout the Gospels in the Bible, we are told of Jesus going alone to the mountains to pray at differing points of His ministry. He needed to re-boot with quiet time, and so do you! So, take the step, and step back, not forward. Breathe and be quiet. I promise you will feel better. This practice has helped me, and I assure you that it will help you.
I am writing today from a warm and safe cabin located in rural New England. My life is safe as I sit here and type these words. However, I cannot ignore the news of what is going on in the world. I must admit that I have never felt so ashamed or embarrassed to be an American. In addition, I have also never had less confidence in any president or leader of this formerly great nation. Trump has attacked Iran and started a dangerous and risky war. I do not support this action, and I am terrified about what the consequences will be now and in the long term. From having friends and family who live in the Middle East, as well as friends in the USA military, I feel the effects of this war as it impacts me personally. I also fear the ways in which Iran may retaliate in the days and weeks to come. The world was already a destabilized place, with the war in Ukraine fueled by Putin, and the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, along with our president attacking our allies and endangering our own neighborhoods with ICE officers. Now, he has started a war which never needed to be.
I feel so helpless. I am a single human on this earth with little money or resources. My personal situation has been one of my recent poor health and a crisis that has extended for months now that I cannot discuss further in the blog. So, what difference can I make as I read the news headlines and listen to the radio? I see so much suffering, and I wish I could help alleviate the pain. But what to do? Well, my brainstorming session on that topic is what I plan to convey in this post.
First, Pray. Go to God. The ultimate control of my life or anyone else’s is not their own but belongs to our loving creator. While He allows us free will, He longs for us to turn to Him and build a relationship of trust and honest communication. If you are mad, yell at God. If you feel blessed, praise God. If you feel helpless, as I do, tell Him, and ask for guidance as to how to act and proceed. My faith in God ensures that I go nowhere in life alone. I have a higher power who loves me and takes my hand through all the weather. What is currently happening is a storm, and I already feel my strength being tested. I’m scared, but I want to be brave. God can improve our hearts and minds and bodies to have strength and bravery if we ask Him. I am praying, will you join me?
Second, act peacefully. This may seem like a huge contradiction during a time of war but hear me out. For example, being peaceful can simply be a gesture of listening to your neighbor when you talk about a difficult topic like politics or war. Instead of reacting with hostility to differences, try to gain mutual respect and hold space for the other side, even if you still strongly disagree. I feel that as a progressive Christian, I am called to be open with my opinions on topics such as racial equality and justice, while still understanding that there are some minds that I cannot change. In addition, I try to love the people in my life who believe in the opposite political sides of the aisle, and when I struggle to do so, I pray to Jesus for help. And yes, what about Jesus? When He was crucified, did He fight and tell His disciples to draw their swords? No, Jesus sets an example of sacrificial peace, knowing that even if the outcome of our right doing is death, that is not the end of the road. Jesus rose from the grave, and we too look forward to life after death. In all circumstances, therefore, try to remain peaceful in your actions, following the teachings of Christ.
And third, take gentle care of yourself. Our country and the world are on fire. War has come in more than one place, and there is great suffering. To help myself get through the inevitable stress, I am trying to participate in activities that relieve my soul. Today, for example, I took a nice long walk in the winter sunshine, an elusive sight. It felt healing to see the beautiful blue sky above me, and to feel the almost-spring warmth on my face. The snow was melting, and there was mud on the earth. Even with the terrible goings-on in the world, the seasons were still preparing to change. In addition, when I was getting myself lunch, I made a homemade matcha green tea latte, a luxury. I do not know how much longer I will be able to find and buy matcha, my favorite drink along with coffee, and so I savored it, every sip. I encourage you to find simple joys such as these two examples and comfort your heart with them.
I leave you with a single thought; God is Good. His love endures forever. He will not let our world suffer forever. It will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end! So, take heart, stay close to God and your loved ones, and take care of yourself. Difficult days are here, but we are not alone. Never give up!
Today is a holiday, Valentine’s Day, and many are enjoying dates with their partners and the thrill of a special evening approaching. However, I will be honest that that is not my reality today. Why? Because, I am sick today. My chronic illnesses are in a flare. So, I thought I’d give you a look at what that is like for me, instead of pretending that my life is roses. This entry is not meant as a pity party, merely to give the average healthy person a glimpse into my world.
I have been diagnosed with what is casually known as “the trifecta.” This includes hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), and MCAS (Mast Cell Activation Syndrome). I encourage you to Google them, because these are complex chronic illnesses that have no cure, and make the lives of those who suffer from them pretty damn miserable! Basically, I struggle with a multitude of symptoms, including chronic fatigue and chronic pain. I take 20 medications a day in an attempt to manage the symptoms, but nothing is super effective. These medications also include the ones I take for my mental illness diagnoses. However, I have written previously about my chronic mental illness diagnoses, and they are not the topic of this post.
I began having health problems as a child, and I have always been “sickly.” It has been a long journey of tears, unsuccessful treatments, surgeries, trips to the ER, and doctors telling me that I was crazy before I finally got the correct physical diagnoses. They came from a combination of an Integrative Medicine doctor in Northampton, MA and a few specialists in Boston, MA. The trip to reach answers was long and difficult.
Once I was properly diagnosed, I had a lot to process. On the one hand, I was relieved, and on the other hand, I was completely overwhelmed with facing what I now knew would be a lifetime of being sick. In early 2025, I began seeing a health psychologist for a special kind of therapy to help me learn how to live better and cope with the new knowledge. He has been extremely helpful. However, it has also been a challenging process to relearn how to balance my daily activities so as to better preserve my health.
You see, I have always been an active person. I have always enjoyed setting goals for physical activities and participating in charity walks. As a younger person, I rode horses competitively and did jumping at horse shows, as well as dressage. I once dreamed of being a horse trainer. In addition, I had a passion for running as a young woman and enjoyed lifting weights at the local gym. My attitude was always to push through and keep going.
BUT, as I have progressed through life, so have my illnesses progressed. All of those activities I loved to do my body can no longer support. Not surprisingly, this has left me with a ton of mental grief to process, and a lot of anger. So, now we come to the reason for the photograph I chose for today’s entry, which is me walking with my cane. Thankfully, I do not need the cane every day yet, but I do need it more and more. In addition, I occasionally have even needed a walker when in a really bad flare of illness. I have just turned 39 years old, and this seems incredibly unfair to me!
How do I cope? Not great. Honestly, I have to spend a lot of time lying on the couch or bed and simply resting. Netflix and my DVD player have become necessities. I will say it: I hate resting. I crave a busy and productive life, and I wish my body would let me do more. I’m no expert still on living with chronic illness and dealing with the physical and mental pain. I just keep going. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and being grateful for the good days when I get to accomplish something meaningful.
For example, I transferred to Westfield State University in the Fall 2021 semester, after not doing college course work for 14 years. It has been difficult, but I have now completed 11 courses at WSU with an overall GPA of 3.8. In addition, I enjoy volunteering at my local church. This year there was a high of being a worship leader for the Christmas Eve service. Mission work for the less fortunate in our society is also a passion of mine, and I feel fulfilled when I can help local charities. And, family and friend time is precious to me. I love to be social, even if it means resting afterwards. All of these blessings make my life purposeful.
I encourage you to be grateful, just as I try to be grateful, for the wonderful moments in life! We all struggle with something, and the best comeback is to see how God has blessed us. I try to be positive, even when it’s rough, and know that I’m never alone. My family, friends, and Faith guide me through. May my story inspire you to see your own strengths inside the struggle, and NEVER give up!!
Hello Readers! I am disturbed by a trend that has been gaining momentum in American society that encourages women to shrink themselves both physically and in their roles as participants in this country. I see these ideas as problems, and I would like to address both types of shrinking behavior that is encouraged.
First, my body has been on an incredible journey this past year. I will thank her for surviving by not starving myself. I have been sick, stressed, sleep deprived, and pushed hard mentally, and somehow my body kept going. There has been A Lot going on in my life! I am disturbed to see that thinness ideals, body shaming messages, access to birth control methods, and identities other than heterosexual cis-gender persons are all under attack now, or should I say again?! Why can society not accept the beauty in differences?! I want to be free to have a curvy figure with a “fat” booty and “thunder” thighs. Not to mention that my sex life is no one’s business. You may ask why I am being so defensive?
I will be completely honest: I believe that the current political atmosphere is an attack on women, and is attempting to shrink their roles in public life. JD Vance (our vice president) has bragged about having his wife pregnant and “barefoot in the kitchen.” Donald Trump (our president for a second term) has multiple sexual harassment cases filed in court against him, and is a suspected pedophile. The Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, and Republicans in charge have defunded Planned Parenthood. Not only can I no longer safely access abortion in most states, I now have limited access to other female reproductive care such as the birth control pill. Now, even a woman’s right to vote is being questioned once again by conservative politicians. In addition, childcare services, such as daycare subsidies, have been cut by the current administration. AND, SkinnyTok is making a comeback online. Need I say more??
Okay, I will! I have begun reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, and I suggest that you read it for a dose of current reality. A world dominated by men, with women only valued for being fertile and compliant, is where we are headed. I am afraid that in the fascist regime of our government that has taken over the once blissful days of democracy in the USA, women are being expected to shrink. And the ones who think they have power, such as Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem, will wake up to see they are completely disposable if the men who truly hold power want them gone. She has begun to get her boss Trump bad press through the endless defense of murders by ICE of innocent American citizens. I do not feel sorry for her; all I can say is good luck on your job search Nazi Barbie!
You may have seen at this point that I am a “mad woman ” as Taylor Swift would sing on her Grammy winning album “Folklore.” However, I encourage all my female readers to get mad, because our rights and freedoms are being taken away. It may be obvious in some ways, but a lot of it is a steady sneaky campaign by the current administration to tame opinionated women such as myself. So, this is my warning: resist! Resisting must always be peaceful, but use your unique talents to make it effective!! My way of resisting is to write. In addition, I persist in prayer. God is not indifferent to our struggles. Active prayer is a powerful, yet peaceful, weapon. I believe in a Higher Power who cares about our struggles, hears our petitions, and comes to our aid. Please listen to my advice ladies: Do Not Shrink!!! We will prevail in body, mind, spirit, and action! Women must stand and not disappear!
Welcome to The Ladybug 2026! If you are already a reader of my blog, thank you, and if you are new, here is a little bit of what to expect for the new year! The themes for The Ladybug in 2025 were: Religion, Politics, and Lifestyle. I wrote 33 posts during 2025, including an introduction. In addition, I wrote, “Gaelle’s World,” so that my readers could learn a little about me and my motivations for the blog content. So, let’s talk about what to expect this year as I write out my 3 personal goals. These are not “resolutions,” they are goals. The difference in my eyes is that the word resolution implies that something in life needs to be fixed, and for me, goals implies that I am simply adding some new exciting guides to my lifestyle. The Ladybug, therefore, will still include themes of religion and politics, but I will not limit myself to those topics. I would like to expand my lifestyle posts to discuss any content that I feel passionate about as the world continues to spin and change around us.
So, ready? Here goes:
Goal 1) Increase time with God and connection to the Spirit of light and love. I find that I can only survive life’s harsh realities and difficulties with the help of a Higher Power. I cannot weather the journey alone. Last year, I described myself as a “Progressive Christian,” but now I am not sure which label for my faith in God is best. With the rise of the Christian Nationalist movement in the USA, I am uncomfortable to use the term Christian for fear that people will think that I have a right-wing political affiliation. This could not be further from the truth, as I am a left-leaning liberal, and more and more I agree with the socialist Democrats such as AOC and Bernie Sanders. The core of my faith is the belief that I must be the hands and feet of Jesus to those in need in a hurting world, and that includes the poor and those who are immigrants. I believe that strength comes from God, not from myself, and so daily devotions that include guided meditations, Bible reading, and journal time are crucial. If I want to spread love, I must first infuse myself with the love of Jesus. Devotional time is like an oxygen mask to me, and after I put it on, I can then help others.
Goal 2) Learn how to rest in a healthy way. As I have written previously on The Ladybug, I struggle with a multitude of chronic illnesses, the most difficult of which are hEDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, Hypermobile subtype) and Bipolar Disorder, Type 2. I like to go, go, go, but then my body collapses, and I am quite literally bedridden. In addition, when I have too much stress, my anxiety soars, and then I must have medication adjustments for my psychiatric meds. Trust me, neither of these circumstances is fun. However, I see two different therapists, one for my physical-health problems, and one for my mental-health problems, and they both told me at the end of the year 2025 that I must focus on learning the art of rest. This news was not welcome to my ears, because I am someone who is extroverted and loves to be busy. Whether it is helping my local church, doing college coursework, or participating in charity walks such as 5k’s, this girl likes to aim for the stars. However, the universe is quite literally telling me to slow down. So, I am going to attempt in the new year to build in “rest days,” and learn to take better care of myself.
Goal 3) Live a simpler lifestyle, including decreasing my material possessions. At the current moment, I feel like I am drowning in “stuff.” This must end. I need to practice what I preach with regard to my faith. I have never wanted to be rich, and I feel choked by how many material goods I own. Jesus called His disciples in the Bible to a simple life following Him, and I would like to live the same way. I need to clean, de-clutter, and donate what is clogging my world. Quality family and friend time are much more important to me than having many goods to hold onto. I plan to discuss further my successes and struggles with simplifying my life in posts on The Ladybug, so stay tuned!
Well, readers, there are some of my thoughts as I enter the new year, as well as some of the themes that you can expect me to write about in 2026 in the blog. I encourage reader participation, so please leave comments and feedback either here on WordPress, or on my social media pages (Facebook: Gaelle McLoud or Instagram: @gaellemcloud and Substack: @gaellemcloud). If you tune into my Instagram account, which is public, you can see a little more of how I live my life day-to-day. I hope that you will join me in the adventure of 2026!
PS: This is the year I turn 40 years old! My birthday is in October 2026, so join me as I celebrate the adventure all year long! 🙂
Welcome to my first holiday post of the year! I realize that the holidays can be stressful for many people, and so my intention with this post is to offer a little relief from some loveable creatures. From my earliest days, I have been an animal lover, and I would like to reflect on some of my experiences with pets throughout my life who meant the world to me. Unfortunately, there are so many animals that have made me smile, that I just cannot list them all. But here is a sampling to make you smile, too!
Let us begin with Blackie, also known as my big brother! My parents adopted a soft, black, sweet dog when I was about 7 years old, and I named him Blackie. For an only child, he was everything. My playmate, my comfort, my safe space, my troublemaker…I could go on. Blackie lit up my adventures as a young child, and I felt like I had the best brother a girl could rely on. By the time Blackie was getting grey and a bit sickly, I had already begun to refer to him as my “fur baby love of my life.” Blackie lived to be about 13 years old, but I swear he lives on in my dreams even to this day. God has him busy in doggy heaven as my constant protector still! It makes my heart warm just to remember him.
Next, let us visit Ben…or as I liked to call him, Big Ben. In this blog, The Ladybug, I have mentioned before that I rode horses when I was younger and that I still consider myself to be a “barn girl.” Ben was a horse I leased from a very special woman, and with a very special trainer, when I was about 17 and 18 years old. He was huge and, honestly, a bit much for me in both size and temperament. But he was sweet, and I would creep into his stall after my lessons on him and cuddle with his soft ears, kiss his face, and tell him what a good boy he was. Ben taught me an invaluable lesson in life: that being challenged can sometimes be exactly what you need. Ben may have been the most difficult horse for me to ride as far as my skills are in the saddle, but he also became my favorite horse of all time. My memories of him at the barn are still my “happy place” whenever I need to envision a moment of calm. Never turn away from something big!
I could give each of my cats a full column of their own, because I loved them all so much. However, I also want to end with a few words about my current fur baby. So, I will simply say that cats are a whole other adventure from dogs and horses, and I love them just as much! I have had 3 cats: Maddie, Ella, and Smokey. Unfortunately, they are all in kitty heaven now, but each one brought something special into my life. Cats are the rulers in the household, and we are lucky to serve them, ha-ha. I hope that someday I may encounter another kitty to serve, but for now, my babies also still visit me in my sleep, bouncing around and calling all the shots!
Finally, let me speak for a moment about my current main man, Mickey. He is technically my parents’ dog, and the three of us refer to him affectionately as “Mouse.” We were gifted Mouse in 2019, and he is so affectionate and sweet. I have already included his photo in so many blog posts on The Ladybug! However, this is due to the large part of my heart that he holds. I no longer have a pet of my own in my separate apartment. So, when I stay with my parents, being around Mouse is a nice added bonus. I can get my needed pet therapy time!
And pet therapy can be extremely beneficial. While I have only showcased a few animals here, there have been many that I could smile and say made my life a little sweeter. It is a privilege that animals let us live alongside them and come into our hearts and homes to make a family complete. Do not take your animal(s) for granted! If you are having a bad day, scratch your cats’ ears, take your dog for a walk, gently approach your horse, or generally enjoy the company of whichever little creature you have made friends with. Love your animals, and they will return that affection with a love that no human could reflect, because it is innocent and unconditional.
So, if you need something to be thankful for during the holidays this year, begin by thanking your pets. And whisper a little prayer of gratitude to God for granting you the gift of them in your life! Have a blessed Thanksgiving readers in the USA who are preparing to celebrate. And enjoy some of my animal photos below.
Hello Readers! Today I feel inspired to share a sermon I delivered approximately a year and a half ago at my local NH church. However, this sermon seems particularly relevant to repeat, given that our country is currently struggling with a sinking economy, and many families are having trouble making ends meet. Homelessness can quickly become a reality for anyone, anytime, and I have faced housing insecurity personally. I also wanted to share this message because, while this sermon focuses on the homeless population, I believe that the spirit of it could also be applied to immigrants. The atmosphere in the USA regarding immigrants is at best described as tense, and the way that they are treated by the people in power is downright despicable. Therefore, I encourage you to imagine both the words “homeless” and “immigrant” in your mind’s eye while you read my words below. God calls us to love, and you will find practical advice as to ways of loving marginalized groups among us if you continue reading!
By: Gaelle McLoud
Sunday, March 17, 2024
Based on: New Testament: Matthew 22: 34-40
Old Testament: Leviticus 19: 33-34
Message
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Amen.
I would like to begin by highlighting from the first scripture reading for us this morning, Matthew 22: 34-40, the second commandment that Jesus gives: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” On the surface, this may seem like a simple commandment. One might think, of course I love those around me, my friends, and my family, including my church family. However, let us dig a little deeper. What if your neighbor was smelly and dirty? What if your neighbor was a drug addict? What if your neighbor was living a life opposite to yours, a life you could not even imagine? Would you still be willing to love your neighbor? Today, I am going to focus on our neighbors who are homeless.
You might be wondering why I chose the passage from Leviticus this morning, and be curious as to the relationship to the homeless. “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.” Leviticus 19: 33-34. The Leviticus passage refers to our neighbors who are, “aliens,” or, “foreigners.” One of the Google definitions of foreigner is, “a person not belonging to a particular place or group; a stranger or outsider.” Certainly, one could think of homeless people as not belonging to a particular place, and many consider them to be strangers and outsiders. And yet, in Leviticus as well as in Matthew, God commands us to love them.
Here is how I began to love my homeless neighbors. In early 2017, I started attending a new church located in Charlton, Massachusetts. I prayed to God to direct me towards His will, and I felt a strong calling on my heart to minister to the homeless. I thought about how I might get involved with mission work, and I remembered that my dad had been connected to a church called the Worcester Fellowship. The Worcester Fellowship is an outdoor church located in Worcester, Massachusetts that meets every Sunday afternoon, no matter what the weather, to provide a Christian worship service, and brown bag lunches and men’s white crew socks to the homeless population. Their mission statement is: Worcester Fellowship is dedicated to ending isolation by nurturing community and providing pastoral care. We welcome everyone, we are an outdoor church, we reach out to homeless and at-risk adults and we believe God loves us now. I attended a Worcester Fellowship Service for the first time in the spring of 2017, and felt transformed and brought alive by the experience. God’s love and light were palpable at the service. I spoke to my home church in Charlton, and we signed up to begin donating brown bag lunches and men’s white crew socks to the Worcester Fellowship on every other month throughout the year. The pictures on the power point are of a Worcester Fellowship gathering on the common in Worcester, Massachusetts, on Christmas Eve 2017.
Many people think of the homeless population as set apart, and have trouble connecting to them. However, anyone, anytime can become homeless. There are many reasons for homelessness, including job loss, PTSD due to military service, or high medical bills that lead to eviction when one cannot pay their rent. This could be you. It was almost me. Let me tell you a true story from my own life. When I was quite young, 20 years old, I had dropped out of college due to health problems, and I had no money and nowhere to live except with my parents back at their home. I faced the reality of becoming homeless, though, because I was not sober, and my parents did not want me to live with them when I was an active alcoholic. I had to decide to try to get sober and attend AA meetings, or else I was on the streets. I will never forget how close I came to homelessness.
In addition to my own experience with housing insecurity, I have learned a lot about homeless persons while volunteering with the Worcester Fellowship. Here is a question for us to ponder: What can we as Christians do to show God’s love and mercy to the homeless population? Here are three answers to that question that we can all employ when we interact with those who are homeless or disadvantaged.
First, show compassion. One of the best ways to show God’s compassion to others is to simply listen to them. Start up a conversation with someone who may be out of your comfort zone and listen to them talk about their life and their experiences. This action will go a long way towards making the person feel loved. Consider carrying Dunkin gift cards to offer to those who are begging when you see them.
Second, treat the homeless as equals. Do not be afraid of those who are different from you. For example, during a Worcester Fellowship service there is a time for the passing of the peace of Christ, as with many church services. It is important to walk right up to your neighbor and wish them God’s peace and shake their hand. When you see a homeless person on the street holding up a sign, make eye contact with them and smile and if they ask you for something, offer the Dunkin gift card you have been carrying with you. God loves all His children equally, and we need to mirror that love.
Third, Christians must challenge societal norms that dictate that we must ostracize and exile those who are different and suffering. Jesus set the example for us with the way he lived his life. Jesus associated with tax collectors and prostitutes, in other words, sinners and those cast out by society. Jesus healed and touched lepers, as well as saved and loved all of us, despite our circumstances. Welcome those who are homeless and disadvantaged to your church, and pray for ways that you can improve their lives for the better. One way that this church loves the homeless is by collecting money to purchase socks for them, and this gift can go a long way towards brightening someone’s day.
Jesus calls us to love each other, let us change the world one act of love at a time. Amen.
Thank you for reading! I have included the links for The Worcester Fellowship, as well as a local NH homeless advocacy group called Hundred Nights. Please pray about how you may support them! Also: The photos are from a Worcester Fellowship gathering in 2017, which is referenced in the sermon.
Dear readers, I am aware that discussing any aspect of body image can be potentially triggering, especially to those individuals diagnosed with eating disorders. I, myself, was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at age 20, after starting to display symptoms in my late teen years. Due to my own experiences, I will endeavor to make this article sensitive to those who struggle. However, I want everyone to honor their own boundaries with the topic. With that spirit in mind, let us start to talk…
One of the most freeing phrases that I ever heard during my eating disorder recovery journey was: your body is not a project. I have always felt a great deal of pressure my whole life to micro-manage my appearance, especially my weight. I used to wear heavy make-up, dye my hair, follow all the latest fashions of dress, and starve my body. In the USA, women who identify as cis-gender females are placed under a huge amount of pressure to groom ourselves into oblivion, even to go so far as to consume diet pills and under-go plastic surgery. There is an expected, and, frankly, un-achievable, ideal “look” that we must work towards. Lots of money is poured into this industry of beauty and the pursuit of feminine perfection.
Well, now I am saying to it all: F*#ck You!! My body is not a project. I look the way I look, and as long as I am healthy, then I am satisfied with my appearance. In my current world, after being severely ill for 6 and a half months, being healthy and strong in my body image is way more important to me than being glamorous.
In addition, I have had a shift over the last few months as to how I identify in my beauty image. I would now say that I am more of an androgenous female than a typical cis-gendered female. Some days I am glammed up and girly, while other days I feel comfortable in flannel, jeans, and winter boots. The identity of androgyny allows for this flexibility, being somewhere in the middle, neither feminine nor masculine. My studies at university allowed me to gain more exposure to the differing worlds of gender identity, and, after writing a paper on androgyny, I felt so much more connected to my true self.
I’m beginning to wonder why I have been spending the last 20 or so years trying to be thin and cute. Why have I cared what society thought of me? The dream of being the perfect model from the pages of a women’s magazine or following the latest wellness trend has not been making me healthier or more beautiful, it has been killing me. As one of my friends said to me recently regarding the weight-loss drug craze, “It seems to be a sickness in our society that is unique to America.” I am grateful for her honest assessment, and I could not agree more. American wellness culture, and the corresponding products and medications that feed the system with millions of dollars, just harm the very humans they claim to be aiding.
So, I am choosing to be free from the trap of twisting myself up-side down to meet the societal beauty standards. I encourage you to free yourself as well! Wherever you are on the body-image road, whether you are struggling with disordered eating, or you are struggling with the pursuit of the wellness community, coined often as orthorexia, I invite you to take a moment to pause. Think about what your goals are with your appearance and resulting health. Are you simply chasing an impossible beauty standard? Or are you investing heavily in a financial way to bring about a drastic figure change? The only investment that I now believe is honestly worth it, and will bring about the most joy, is the time and energy to be healthy, happy, and authentically YOU!! There is no reason to conform to any other standard or request from an industry that will not pay you back.
These revelations have taken me years to reach! From wandering hospital hallways with a feeding tube up my nose to over-exercising, to starving and to binging, I have finally arrived at a moment of peace. Just be where your body desires and forget what America might think. You will be surprised how much mental room will be created in your head when you let go, and how much room in your wallet you will discover. Bodies are meant to be all different shapes and sizes. Food is meant to be joyful and shared, bringing friends and family together. Exercise is meant to destress and strengthen, without pushing too far. Try out a few of my radical ideas and see how much tension in your life will lift. I hope my years of pain can be turned into something helpful for others.
To conclude, I would like to provide you with an example from my own life. While I have been ill recently, I was told repeatedly by my doctors to be on bedrest. But I kept pushing to be active and exercise, because I was afraid of gaining too much weight while “lying around being sick.” Finally, I basically collapsed into my own bed and rested for 2 weeks. I purposefully lay around, watched Netflix, and ate high-calorie and high-protein foods to strengthen my body which was hard at work fighting a serious infection. Finally, after 2 weeks in bed, I emerged for a 1-mile walk. Then, I rested. Next, a 2-mile walk. Then, I rested. Testing the waters slowly to see how much exercise I could build up to. I continued to eat whatever I wanted, especially if it was high in calories. None of this was done with losing weight in mind. Rather, I was hoping to gain weight, and re-grow some of my once thick curly hair and beautiful nails.
Take my words to heart, readers, and do not learn the hard way as I have. Listen to your doctors regarding health and rest. Do not put the demands of the un-healthy “wellness” industry first. Get quiet within, listen to what your body needs, and act accordingly. Beauty is fleeting, but longevity and happiness are true goals to live by. With that advice, I wish you blessings and peace in your journeys. Love, G.
Today is my 39th birthday, and, appropriately, the 30th blog entry of The Ladybug. Wow, my last year of my 30’s has arrived! I have some reflections. My first and initial reaction is: how the fuck did time pass so quickly?! I thought I was just barely learning to be an adult and now I think I am officially a grown-up! I live independently in my own apartment and manage my own money and drive my own car. However, that said, I still need a lot of support to cope with this thing called life, as we all do. It takes a village. None of us can exist alone in a vacuum, especially if you are an extrovert like me. I am fortunate and blessed to have many good friends and loving family connections. In addition, I receive excellent professional care for my struggles. What I want to convey most in this post is how grateful I am for the beautiful life God has granted me!!
In honor of the gorgeous sunny fall day that has greeted me on my birthday, I want to share a top 5 gratitude list:
1: God is Good! My faith is the most important thing in my life. No matter how badly life seems to be going, I know that God will not abandon me. I firmly believe that God loves me and works all things for my good (Romans 8:28). I never have to fear, because in the end it will all be okay, and if it is not okay, then it is not the end. God has the ultimate control. This belief set allows me to face every difficulty in my life, and we all know that life is not always easy. May you, reader, be blessed, no matter what you are facing. God is Good.
2: Love is a blessing. While my romantic endeavors have never been super successful, which I do not plan to discuss in this blog, I have never had any lack of love in my life. Love can come from many different places. For example, my parents have raised me in a loving and supportive home. My friends always rally around me when life is hard and make me laugh when life is good. My extended family is kind and generous. I could not ask for more love. It is truly all around me! (Aww, so corny!)
3: I have always been blessed to have my basic needs met, including food, clean water, medical care, and shelter. This is not the case for so many others in our country and across the world. I know that leaner times are coming due to the direction of our current leadership in America, but I am still grateful. I feel a deep connection to the homeless and to those in prisons because I have never known that pain. I have been spared many heartaches. Everyone suffers in this life; however, the degree of suffering varies. I’m aware that my trials have been limited.
4: I have been exposed to the arts in a meaningful way. I love watching ballet and listening to all forms of music. In the past, I have experimented with creating paintings and collages. Photography has always been a passion of mine, and I still enjoy capturing as many photos as possible. Singing along to a favorite tune lifts my heart when I feel blue. Visiting art museums and experiencing the genius of others has been a true gift. Plays and film are also other art forms that I enjoy. It is a true luxury to watch many differing movies, TV shows, and live theater performances. Creativity is a beautiful expression of the human experience.
5: Writing. Whether journaling, blogging, or working on my surprise project, writing feeds my soul in a special way. In addition, I have been blessed to attend more than one university and to learn to improve my writing. I dream of one day becoming a successful published author. Let us not also forget the luxury of being able to read. Many around the world, and in the USA, are illiterate, even if they do wish to read. Writing and reading are blessings that I hope to remember to never take for granted. In this theme, I would like to offer some advice: read a banned book while you still can! There is an attack on works of quality literature now, and I feel compelled to urge all of my readers to use your minds and rebel! That is my act of political defiance for the day!
As I turn the corner from “young adult” to “middle age,” I feel so much more confident in my own skin. I know what I want, and I will not tolerate BS from anyone. I have become a successful self-advocate, which is a crucial skill when one has physical and mental health issues like I experience. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself! I still have a way to go with my self-esteem and self-confidence, but both are in much better paces than when I turned 29 years old. One final piece of advice from me to you: do not be afraid to seek help. It may mean the difference between misery and survival. More than that, life should be about thriving, not barely hanging on and surviving. So, find a way to thrive, even if things feel messy. Choose one small thing to accomplish and do it well. Life is precious and fleeting, live it up! And, of course, my favorite phrase to say, NEVER give up!! Happy Birthday to me and thank you to all my readers for allowing me into your thoughts. May you thrive and be happy! With Peace, G.
PS This photo is me at home today, casual and relaxed at 39!
The Ladybug 